I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
