My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
