So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
