i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
