it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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