Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
