I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
