did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
