You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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