It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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