I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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