so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
