we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
