I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
