What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
