Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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