Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
