I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
