Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
