so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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