I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
