he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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