Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
