Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
