I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
