I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
