cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
