where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
