I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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