He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
