As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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