Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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