he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
