the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
