I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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