I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
