Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
