yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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