even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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