4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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