Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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