sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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