Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
