i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
operation harelip BJ is a go
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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