I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
