I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
