im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
