I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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