Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
