she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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