I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is Oprah even human
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
