how do flat chested girls get laid?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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