This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
