there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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