Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
