Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
