well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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