So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
